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09 July 2009 @ 03:48 am
I want to embrace you and never let you go  
I've been pretty imaginary for a while. Sorry about that. Just busy living a very quiet not very noteworthy life, unless you want descriptions of birds I see when I'm out walking or to hear how bizarre the gym is. (Really.. ukuleles?)

But right now I want to say something to Lissa, it may get long. I thought about sending it in an email, but it's not really private, just personal.

You are an inspiration to me, the perfection and faith in the way you love. You aren't a loser at it.
If love was easy, everyone would do it. People adapt and settle, and give up every day on love. They want to fall in love easily and when it stops being easy, they decide it must not be love, it looks too much like work, it hurts too much. You accept that part of your soul is walking without you, making decisions without you. You give it and hope you get a piece of soul back to hold it's place, but it doesn't always work out that way. It's one of the most courageous things a person can do. Loving someone else.
You give people all these pieces of you, and it doesn't make less of you, it makes you magnificent. I'm so sorry for all the hurt it's caused you to love so much, but you are one of my heroes.
I can't not love you back. I don't even want to try. But I admit freely, I don't love as purely as you do, you were able to love without the promise of being loved in return, and I can only love if I know I'm loved back. Otherwise I keep a lot of myself separate. You don't do that, you give yourself to love, to moments, to friendships and devotion. Sometimes you give it to the wrong people, but the fact your willing to love as you will without expectation is amazing.
I wish I could protect you, hold you close in my heart and let my cynicism guard your heart, but I can't protect you that way. It wouldn't be fair anyway, there are other people like me who need the purity of love you can give.
I adore you. You've helped me through some dark times in my life by your unyielding faith, and I'd like to return that favor.
I love you. You don't fail at love. The only failure would be if you couldn't, but you do love.
 
 
Current Music: Severance- Dead Can Dance