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Random Aporia
27 August 2008 @ 04:16 pm
Apparently, even if you're a senile old man who inspiressongs about how clueless you are, even if you have been indicted Federally for corruption... you can still win your primary and run for re-election. Alaskans are just kooky like that. Or maybe we're afraid he'll run for governor, and it will be worse then Murkowski?
I'm talking in the past tense and living in the past sense in my dreams lately. It's disturbing. Like things have slowed down to the point that a lot of memories are able to surface.

I learned a bit more about how to knit. I'm still awful at it, but slowly getting better. Very slowly.
Feeling: crankycranky
Random Aporia
25 August 2008 @ 03:44 pm
Alaskan politicians are so much fun.
Yes, Stevens is running for re-election. Even with his legal troubles, AND he's got a defense fund. Because you know.. after he got a quarter million dollars from Veco, you know we are all just anxious to help a millionaire pay for his lawyers.
Young is fighting to hold his seat as well. An incumbent Republican, with a lot of seniority. You'd expect the Republican governor to campaign for him? No. She's campaigning for Parnell, the Lt. Governor to take his seat. Despite the current scandal about her, her popularity ratings remain high.
I'm watching the debates, because they are hilarious. Stevens just comes off as completely offended that despite being a corporate whore who's paid well for screwing the whole state, there's opposition. He's very nearly foaming at the mouth. Well.. at least it proves finally he does notice some of what's going on around him. Maybe he learned it through the tubes.
Young is popping up with all sorts of memorable quotes. In one interview, he said "My opponents are running against me just to get elected."

Uh.. HUH? I mean.. I know people who've run for office not to get elected, but to get a message out there. Like "Mafia Mike" who had a pizza company up here ran back in the 80s to make his case on legalized gambling clear. But generally speaking, don't most people run to get elected?
Well.. if Homeless Bill carries a sign that says Homeless Bill for Senate or Homeless Bill for Congress, I know who I'm writing in.

***kiss kiss***
Feeling: amusedamused
Random Aporia
07 July 2008 @ 12:36 pm
Another 4th of July and nobody got seriously injured in my neighborhood. So I'm impressed.
I keep running into people I haven't seen in a decade or two lately, and they all want to talk. It's almost like being nearly 40 is a foreign country, and so you'll talk to anyone from back home (the teens or your 20s) even if you had nothing to say to them. They don't understand why I don't want to talk. I'm sort of horrified, I don't know them, they look nothing like they did, they recognise me somehow, and I think I've changed a lot from when I was 12, 13, 23.. but apparently I haven't changed that much on the outside. A lot of them are like reverse butterflies.. in their youth, they were beautiful, and they had a few years in a cocoon to lose their wings and their colorful spots. They want to talk to someone who remembers, as they do, those beautiful butterfly days.

Are repeated behaviors fractals that make up the image of our lives?
Feeling: calmcalm
Random Aporia
01 June 2008 @ 02:55 am
"The Holy Kiss that's supposed to last eternity
Blow up in smoke, its destiny..

-Bob Dylan

Tell me a secret anonymously about the first time you fell in love. Comments are screened if you want to get personal and only want me to know. If it's okay if I unscreen it, let me know.
Feeling: sleepysleepy
Random Aporia
29 May 2008 @ 11:41 pm
I have a myspace account. It's connected with my online job, and mostly for public consumption. This journal, not so much for the public, only a few people who know me know about this journal. My life lately has been pretty open and optimistic, so I haven't been writing as much in here. Plus.. that whole talking to R almost every day thing.. so much of what I would write in here, I tell her instead.
But it's awfully early in the morning where she is, so she's not online.
Back to the myspace thing.. I don't update often. Just when Kim reminds me I haven't in a while mostly. But old friends do track me down on it. Like.. really old friends. Back in high school friends, and I just turned 37. And they always ask "What have you been up to?" Usually, I figure they really don't care, they want me to ask in return so they can tell me all about thier lives, so I give them a brief answer, and ask in return. But today I got an email from someone who very specifically wants to know what I've been up to for the last 20 years. He'd like it if I called him, and told him all about it.
How do you even start to sum up 20 years of experience?
I've loved, I've hated, I've been homeless, I've been married and divorced, I've had children, I've fallen in love twice, and in something very like it if you twisted it, folded it and made origami of the emotion a few times. I've danced naked for money, I've found new talents, made new friends.I've isolated, I've had a nervous breakdown, I've lost people who meant the world to me, and found new people who are worlds in themselves, if not even more then that. I had a hysterectomy, and surgery on my face. I've started weight lifting, and I've read thousands of books and listened to thousands of songs. I've lived lifetimes in the last 20 years, and I don't feel I've changed at all, just that I'm discovering and rediscovering things about myself. I've taken acid and danced barefoot in the rain with people I thought would be friends forever, but then again, I thought that in high school too. Now I'm understanding what a lifetime is, and I do have friends I think will last that long. I can't sum it up, because so many choices I've made need context, and to have that context, you had to be there.
In short, I've lived. And yes, I'm still, in major part, the same person I was 20 years ago. But I'm more now as well. The things I've learned, the people I've loved and fought with. The things I've gone through and chosen have refined my ideals, and given me conviction and doubts.
We lack the shared experiences now to really have much in common. If he could sum up 20 years of history in a phone call.. because I couldn't. I couldn't even sum up 1993 in one call. Much less all the other years. Last time we talked was right before I dropped out of society, before that first big break that I needed to decide for myself what was worth taking seriously.
I guess I'll figure out something to say when I write him back, but I'm not calling. I don't like talking on the phone much, so when I do, it's with the people I care about most.

Must be summer. The neighbors are outside drunk and hollaring and cats keep sleeping on my roof.
Feeling: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: Persephone- Vixy and Tony
Random Aporia
27 March 2008 @ 07:29 am
Sorry. I'm still here, but my life lately has been the sort of thing that fits just fine into my more public journal.

I'm currently reading the Queen of Apostles Prayer Book and Days of War, Nights of Love, the first is a Catholic book of prayers, the second is this book. I'm enjoying both in limited doses. So far, there isn't anything new in Days of War, Nights of Love, but I do think I'm going to get a couple copies for friends.

Remind me please, not to tell R everything so I start updating here more often.

***kiss kiss***
Feeling: soresore
Current Music: Someone Else's Nightmare- Blackfire
Random Aporia
21 February 2008 @ 07:50 am
For some reason, I have Mariah Carey on my ipod. Which means this thing is spawning music somehow. The computers.. they are messing with my mind.
Or maybe I'm just managing music for too many people's ipods?

Morning deejays. If you live in the Anchorage area, do you listen to Bob and Mark? I don't think I've met Bob, but I went a dinner part sort of thing with Mark and his family a couple months ago. Nice guy, and I do like a lot of the parody spots they do, and I really enjoy the mornings they go to work without a plan at all about what they are going to talk about. Yesterday morning, Mark asked what you would do if you had absolute proof on paper of the non-existence of G-d, would you tell other people, would it change your life.. I was talking to M about it, and I said "What kind of proof?" and he said "I have no idea. Maybe a note? 'I'm not real. -God'" and the silliness of G-d proving his non-existence by writing a note made me giggle. I think I want an icon that says "I'm a figment of My own imagination.- God" We talked a bit about non-deity religions.

Yesterday I met a nice older lady who reminded me a lot of my Uncle's wives and girlfriends while I was growing up. Manners from a different era. We exchanged recipes. Not that I think I'm making ox-tail soup any time soon, but it was kind of neat to get into an ordinary conversation.

In other news, I misplaced my GL ring. Anyone have any idea where I could put it?

***kiss kiss***
Feeling: amusedamused
Random Aporia
20 February 2008 @ 11:28 am
Yesterday I spent a big part of the day with a friend, we met up for breakfast, then walked and talked for a few hours. We talked of sex, drugs, life, and philosophy, and I got through those sort of conversations without ever mentioning Nick. Which is terribly impressive to me at least, as an example of drug or sex related insanity in my life he is peerless.
long, boring. Skip it.Collapse )
The other day I was on the bus, and a stranger gave me candy. So I'm bad. I accepted candy from a stranger. But it was chocolate!

***kiss kiss***
Feeling: confusedconfused
Current Music: Burn Up- Siouxie and the Banshees
Random Aporia
19 February 2008 @ 04:18 pm
Sometimes I wonder if their is a finite amount of happiness, and if some very greedy people are using it all up before it can renew itself.

Which means I'm no where near as interesting as anyone on my friends list this week. So go there. Read them. They are living through Febuary with considerably more grace then I am. Febuary is the born again member of the year that May and June frankly laugh at, and November and January are a little embarrassed by. The rest of the year just sort of ignores him and says "It's a size issue, Febuary is compensating for being short by being miserable about it and making everyone else feel the same way."
Feeling: crankycranky
Random Aporia
01 February 2008 @ 08:50 am
Sometimes, I think people are monkeys, and sometimes a good argument can be made for lemmings, but lately, I keep thinking hamsters. Of course, that's because I'm at the gym entirely too often now.

I live in a state where my vote is pretty inconsequential, it's a shame to say, but Alaska is one of a handful of states that only has 3 votes, and nationally, Alaska votes Republican. Truthfully, I get it. Democratic candidates might be better for the nation, but they are worse for our state, Republicans leave us mostly alone. We want ANWR opened for drilling, the percentage of our total state and national parks they are talking about opening is tiny, but as long as people are hollaring about the pristine Alaskan wilderness,they aren't stopping to find out what we want or even taking a look at how much of our state IS protected wilderness. So I'm opting out of the political commentary for now about the various campaigns. Chances are pretty good I'll write in an independent candidate in the Presidential race since it's not even going to be close in Alaska, and I figure my vote is better spent making a statement that people want other choices.
Current Music: The Fine Art of Poisoning- Jill Tracy